Track Jeff

The range at which we Feel
is the range at which we Live.

areté. The Greek word for excellence.

It is what I have always strove for. Excellence. Areté. Such high and lofty goals. I have occasionally reached and flew farther than I ever imagined. I walked 2175 miles. I never knew how far I would get, just that I wanted to get somewhere.

Then there’s times where I worked for it with expectations that could never be met. Expectations that lead to disillusionment. Sadness. Disappointment, despite accomplishment.

Yet it still seems like something to strive for. Excellence. What else would there be if not excellence. In Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance Phaedrus links excellence to Quality (with a capital Q). Striving for Quality in his definition is the same as the Greeks emphasis on areté. Something intangible and indescribable yet palpable through the heart and the soul.

Yet there are times when excellence seems to have downsides. Pitfalls.

How could this be? How can the pursuit of excellence have downsides? It is this very question that brought me to propose the discussion topic at the Challenge Course conference I attended last week, The Pitfalls of Passion.

How does and how can our passion get in the way of our goals? How can a misguided attempt at excellence get in the way of true excellence. The question came to me while having a discussion with my dear friend we will call Sue.

The first half of the call we were trying to discover the means of distinguishing interest in the qualities of a person and interest in the qualities of a person romantically. One of the reasons I love this person names Sue is because we can really find the heart of issues-the true nature that underlies these questions by working it out together. We were making progress. And occasionally entertaining tangents.

Then something happened. One of the tangents brought out a process, an environment, an insidious pattern of interaction that we have all experienced at some point. Most often felt in childhood (or beyond) as “I know mom.” Where one person is rolling their eyes in apparent annoyance at the utterance of what was intended to be valuable insight from the other. Suddenly we were no longer in discourse, we were in lecture. I was trying to persuade Sarah that my opinion was correct with the tone of ‘why don’t you see it?’ and she is responding with mock attempt at showing that she gets it. That she already understands. The longer this continues, the more heated it becomes because it seems that she is not hearing or understanding what I believe to be true insight in her best interest. She continues to attempt to convey that she already understands, with annoyance, and that my 5th repetition is not adding anything.

It feeds on itself.

Now some communication skills can possibly come in handy here, reflective listening. One possible way of ending the cycle is for the lecturee to respond with more than “I know mom” and actually paraphrase what it is that you know. In the right circumstances, this can go a long way in easing the sense that the listener just isn’t getting it. And for the lecturer, he/she can ask the other to elaborate. Hopefully there’s enough of a common goal to end this senselessness to try to find common ground. Because one person wants the other to know and the other is saying they know. In one perspective, there’s nothing more to say about the subject, it’s already been cleared. If that can be translated to the other, kaput. Done.

You may wonder where the passion comes into play. The aim for excellence is not only in this process, it’s the origin. This kind of interaction can only come about from the lecturer really caring that the other accepts the statement. The passion for the other to know and integrate and take the actions suggested are the heart of the circular banter. I wanted Sarah to know so strongly that it no longer mattered that she wasn’t listening. She had checked out after the 5th round of trying to convince her. Who wouldn’t check out if someone kept saying the same thing over and over again despite efforts to convince them that you got it the first time around?

My immediate goal of her understanding my point of view was (from her perspective) already met. Job done. But wait, from my perspective, it didn’t seem so. I had to realize that by continuing to lecture, that I was no longer furthering my goals. I was actually moving further away from it.

It’s here where there’s a clash of passion and goals.

I got stuck in the minor goal of persuasively talking and forgot the major goal of communicating. I talked for the sake of expression, not reception. I spoke not for the transfer of understanding that is the heart and true nature of communication. My passion for one was at the loss of the other. This is the pitfall.

How do you identify this major shift? Identify it quickly enough to sense the sudden downward slope so that a change in tactic can skirt you around the pit of senselessness. Then what tools can you employ to find a new process and method and a way to return to mutual discovery. How do you get your ego and yourself out of the equation of inspiration?

Cousineau said, “now is the time to live your ideal life.” I would add, “live a life full of areté.”

Being out here at the edge of mountains and high plains often brings me new experiences (like few deciduous trees and being in a very large shadow of the mtn. at 4pm).

Tonight, after randomly stopping in, then chatting, then staying for dinner at the Arehart’s, I rode home in the cool night air. Looking up I see the clarity of the cool skies allowing the stars to shine brightly down. Yet I couldn’t figure out what I was seeing. Ripples of a creamy white and deep ocean blue. I couldn’t tell what was sky and what was clouds amidst the deep shadows of the mountains except for the stars that sparkled like little lights reflecting on the ripples of the ocean. The white of the clouds in the moonless sky were so white they gave an impression of an ethereal ghost. Gliding along the sky enjoying the cool night air just as I was. A night of such visceral joy that you wished you could bottle it up to share with a loved one. A night where it’s almost painful to experience because the expression of it seemed superfluous and redundant, yet not to, feels like a travesty.

I was planning to take the bus, but somehow a ride in the snow seemed like a fun thing to do. First time I’ve had snow in my beard…

Here’s the place I call home!

…with views of NCAR, the National Center for Atmospheric Research

I made it! Despite the severe storms, tornado watches and the tumorous tire I’ve made it to Boulder, CO! Woohoo! Three nights in Walmart parking lots and one Motel 6 has done me well breathing the cool air of the VA ridges, Tennessee mountains, Arkansas hills and the Kansas high plains. I arrived to a chilly breeze and a blazing sun in a cloudless blue sky. What a gorgeous place it is.

On the Denver/Boulder parkway there is an overlook just out of town where I sat before descending down to my new home. It’s a view over the town with the mountains as the backdrop. I sat there watching a great bald eagle stand on a low perch and prairie dogs scatter about and chatted with a woman from Boulder about to leave for the CA ocean. She had come here from the East leaving her health care-providing high-level job and going out and starting her own business doing what felt right. And now 4 years later she felt the winds and energy blowing her further West to the CA oceans. Despite the caution from her family and friends for leaving a good life in Boulder, she is making the preparations to go. Doing so without fear. I never did catch her name.

I had a productive first day seeing three potential rooms, one of which looks like an awesome place to be. My fears of not finding a place are proving to be unfounded where it’s now a choice of places and finding the right blend of location, people, and environment.

Jeff: 1, Fears: 0

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